Archive for ‘sleep’

October 18, 2012

Meltdown

by thebirdieflies

Too much work. I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I don’t think anyone is the slightest bit sympathetic towards it. Definitely not my parents. All my dad cares about is good grades and he probably wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I went crazy trying to achieve them.

I’ve been falling apart far too easily if things won’t go the way I want them to go. And lately, nothing has been going my way. I have to write a speech, and I’ve been trying to contact the person who did it last year but she’s not fucking responding. I can’t write a speech when I’m cranky and I want good food and I want to sleep without worrying about the next deadline. I can’t go home because the journey will cost me precious hours of either sleep or work and I need both. I wanted to play table tennis yesterday but nobody would let me have a turn and I had been waiting for quite some time and they just kept saying, “After this game, after this game”, and I know I sound like a crybaby writing this, and that makes me feel worse.

THE FUCKING TOUCHPAD ON MY LAPTOP IS NOT WORKING NOW.

Everything is so rotten right now.

I wanted to order in something, but nobody else would. I didn’t want to eat the food that is available here, so I’ll just not eat now because there’s nothing to fucking eat that makes me Want to eat it.

If A were here, he would’ve ordered in with me, but he isn’t, he’s sick, he’s home. He’s offered to write my speech for me, but we have more important fucking things to doooo. Why would anyone waste their time on a stupid fucking speech?

I want to be left alone. I’m afraid I’ll snap at everyone if they say anything to me. I want things my way, for a change. I want good food to be brought to me on a plate while I watch some TV shows, or a movie or two.

I wish I had transportation, and company, I’d go and buy a bottle or two. But there’s nobody who will go along with me, and I have no transportation and there’s nobody who I don’t fucking find irritating.

UPDATE: It seems like this post and the one-hour-long cry accompanying it was cathartic, because after writing it, I started feeling much better, so I went ahead and completed the speech because I was certainly not upto programming shit or reading research papers again (the stuff that I said is more important than writing that stupid speech). I ate something too, although it was more out of easy availability than actually wanting to eat it. It’s like eating a lot of chips. After a point, you’re just mechanically stuffing your mouth without really relishing what you’re eating. I also had a long chat with a good friend. I’ve still not completely recovered, but at least I’m not as frustrated, irritated, crabby, cranky, sobby and ready-to-combust as I was earlier.

September 26, 2011

Light

by thebirdieflies

The sky is beginning to lighten.
It is nearly 6 am, and I have just finished an assignment that is due in 3 hours.

I want to write, but nothing worth reading is coming to my mind. I want to lie down, and drift off to sleep, but I am not particularly sleepy. My stomach is rumbling faintly, but I wouldn’t call myself hungry. My clothes are uncomfortable, but I don’t feel like changing.

The sky is getting lighter and lighter with every word that I type.
Right now, it looks like an overcast sky, dark with heavy rain clouds.
If you look for a while, you can fool yourself into believing that it isn’t dawn. it is late evening and it is going to rain.
Oh look, there’s an aeroplane!

Oh look, trees are forming shadows now.

I think I will go to bed now. My shoulder aches from sitting on this horrid chair.

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