Archive for ‘life plans’

January 1, 2014

Yet Another Year Goes By

by thebirdieflies

I’m not one for new year resolutions, but when I saw photos from my yoga days, I decided I have got to start doing it again.

The last year has been full of ups and downs – meeting lots of new people, going to new places, finally deciding what I will do in life,  breaking up with A, losing a grandmother, but to end it all, coming to the marvelous conclusion that my life is what I make of it, and resolving to take more time out to do what I like doing best – exploring, discovering, learning.

I’ve been to more new places (1. the new city where I interned at, 2. the Tibetan settlement, 3. the two hilly, misty, foggy places, 4. the place where I went to for the sports tournament) the last year than any other year ever, and I hope that I can continue to trump the number every successive year from now on!

After a while, you come to realize that you’re only 22 (almost!), and you can still do tons of awesome, potentially embarrassing things (like crashing formal dinners meant for professors and sleeping on the classroom floor) without having to feel even the slightest bit embarrassed about any of it! You can get lost and find the way (and yourself) again, you can be completely clueless and land up in a city where you don’t speak the language, you can go driving without a destination in mind – things which make memories, epic memories.

I sound so high on life, haha.

I’ll end this post with a photo from one of the places I went to this December:

DSCN2691

And wish all of you a kick-ass new year!

August 27, 2013

It Has Been a While

by thebirdieflies

It really has, hasn’t it? I even forgot what to type into my browser today, when I decided at last to tell my blog readers that I am indeed alive and kicking.

A lot has happened in the past three, four, five, months.

My on again, off again relationship with A has finally stabilized to an ‘off’ state. And I found a way to be okay with that.

I have more or less decided on what I want to do with life. I have decided that perhaps pursuing a PhD is really what I want to do, apart from trekking and photography and baking.  Towards that end, I gave the GRE and did pretty well by most standards. But, maybe it’s not time for a PhD right now, maybe after a few years, once I’m certain that I can produce some original research.

I made a new set of incredible friends, and somehow fell in love with them. That also made me resolve to try hard to make my other friendships stronger.

I lost one of my grandmothers. I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that I will never see her again. I don’t know how to.

I stayed in a new city for two months, and fell in love with it. I’m back home now, but memories of the amazing times I had there will stay with me forever.

I don’t know if I will be blogging regularly. I am trying to cut out crap from my life, such as extended periods of Facebooking, in order to make time for more meaningful things. It will be my last year in college, and I want to spend it such that when I go away, I will miss the place. I realized recently that missing a place, or people doesn’t mean that you lost something – it means that you lost something that, for a while, made your life really amazing. It is better to love wildly and lose a part of you and hurt badly, than to move through life without feeling anything, neither hurt, nor pure happiness.

January 2, 2013

Twenty One

by thebirdieflies

I’m about to officially be in my twenties. Not at the boundary anymore. They seem like a frightful period.

You are supposed to get things going in your twenties! You need to know what’s your career going to be, you need to finish college, you need to set the foundation for the rest of your life.

You might even *shh* marry.

I know nothing about any of it, and I suddenly feel like I’m being forced to grow up. Once I do my Masters, my career kind of gets fixed. There is usually not much room to change direction, unless you start your own business.

Some of my plans for my twenties are:

1. My own house!
2. Get a job!
3. Finish college.
4. Earn and save up and take at least One awesome trip to many countries in the world.
5. Buy a dSLR camera, finally. And an amazing zoom lens, and a prime lens.
6. Have a pet. Maybe a kitten.
7. Continue to stay in touch with friends and family.

Twenties are so talked about. You do a lot of experimentation then, you make lots of mistakes and learn from them, it’s almost like the period of time reserved for you to go wild before settling down into your thirties. Thirties seem comparatively more sedate, and mature.

I don’t know how my twenties will go for me. My teens were Not the way I would have liked for them to be.

I want to keep A with me in my twenties, that’s not something I can deny anymore. The question is, will I make bad choices because I so badly want to keep him with me?

Is it a good idea to want something so long-lasting right now? When everything is so transient. Nobody knows where we will end up for post-grad. Maybe in different countries. I am being so stupid, but denial doesn’t do anyone any good, and accepting the above has only given me permission to daydream more about it. Bleh.

In the meantime, here’s me, on Christmas. With a slightly wonky smile. Hi, y’all. 🙂

Hi, y'all!

 

July 31, 2012

Regret

by thebirdieflies

“I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do.”

Some sources say Rory Cochrane said that.

In my case, I find it occurring both ways.

I regret things I’ve done, but technically that is just another way of saying I regret things I haven’t done. For example, I regret leading my best friend on = I regret NOT having told him earlier what I really thought of him. Tada. ‘Tis a magic called Negation!

It so happens that a blog-friend of mine wrote about the same thing last week. Fuck regret, I say too. Regret only comes in the way of you achieving awesome things in life, because instead of concentrating on being awesome (Barney Stinson style), you concentrate on regrets. And my advice to my Future Self is: Don’t give yourself the Chance to regret something. And in case you do, move on, move on.

We exist on earth for such a brief period of time. I don’t know about re-incarnation, but isn’t it up to us to live the best way we can, while we are living?
I don’t think it matters when we die.
When we die, we’re just, finished. Nothing to regret anymore.
But while we’re living, oh we should be Living!
People who fast get stuck in the drudgery of everyday life, lose sight of beauty in this world.
They lose sight of that which makes this world such a wonderful place to live in.
They take for granted the many thousands of years of evolution and development that have resulted in us being who we are!
They forget about the other species co-existing on the planet along with us.

They forget about nature’s miracles, those remarkable phenomena which take our breath away, because time and again, we underestimate the magic.

I want to go scuba-diving and see how the fish live.
I want to go paragliding, to feel how a bird feels.
I want to climb rocks and mountains and feel the sense of achievement when we use our bodies the way they were meant to be used. (Also, parkour!)
I want to study the stars, and gasp at aurorae.
I want to partake in acts of daredevilry and court death, because even if I die, it’ll be a far grander way to die, than to die of a heart attack sitting in front of the television.

Experiences.
They shape us. Everything, from being told off by mothers to dressing up for a party is an experience. Without experience, we would have the brain of a newborn baby.
And the more things you experience, the more you learn about life itself.

It makes me happy, that I’ve inherited some of my father’s love for travel, and experimentation.
I see people who refuse to step out of their comfort zones even when it comes to doing something as mundane as trying out a new cuisine.
Granted I don’t fearlessly chomp down foreign cuisines and granted, I have my apprehensions too. I know there are things that I will never be able to bring myself to try.
But I think I’m a little better than them, because I Try. Of late, this aspect of mine has developed even more.

I don’t want to regret living on this beautiful planet and not seeing enough of it.
But I do fear I don’t have the time/resources.

July 9, 2012

Things To Do

by thebirdieflies

Dear Future Me

I have some additions to my last list of things to accomplish in my life. Continuing from where I left off:

9. Must skydive. I think you need to face your fear of heights. This is just one way of doing that, of course. Pick any other if you please, but this is so amazing in itself that it stays on my list.
10. Must go on a cruise ship! I’ve never stayed the night in a ship. Have always wanted to, though. You must make that happen.
11. Once the more important milestones of your life get covered, you should to just save up for travelling and visiting new and strange places. The way I scrimp and save for the dSLR, I want you to scrimp and save for amazing journeys. Travels are always worth splurging on. And if you don’t have something to save up for, in mind, you’d probably just spend all your money on things that aren’t as important as travelling, in life. Such as clothes. Tch tch.
12. Stay in touch with the people who matter! This usually goes without saying, but you may need reminding from time to time 🙂

Love
Present Me

May 8, 2012

Protected: Questions to my Future Self

by thebirdieflies

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March 3, 2012

It has been long

by thebirdieflies

It has been ages and ages since I last blogged.
I feel bad about that because it’s only when I write regularly will I ever write well. When I first started blogging at the age of 12, I wrote a lot of crap, but over a year or two, I improved hugely and I believe that was my best period of writing ever. When I read what I wrote at that time, I feel very impressed with my younger self.

However, it has to be noted that I have been doing a lot of Important things in the meantime. What important things, you ask?

1. I have finally decided to take control of my life. Stop wasting time. Start taking time out for things that are extremely worthwhile, but that get lost in the never-ending flow of work deadlines. Things that most people relegate to ‘hobby’ activities, activities to be pursued only when free, not something that you strive to take time out for.
The decision to systematically include such activities in my schedule makes me feel important as well. Look at me! I’m so adult, so grown-up! I’m not wasting time on useless things like stalking people on Facebook (okay, I must admit I still do that) or playing video games!
I read an interview of Umberto Eco once, and he said that he manages to accomplish so many things because he fills in minutes that would otherwise go waste. So if he’s expecting a guest, and he’s waiting for them to come, he’ll still get something done in those few minutes. One minute at a time, and you end up saving hours!

2. So I’ve got Adobe Illustrator, I’ve got Adobe Photoshop, and I will learn designing!

3. I joined a photography game (complete with deadlines and all) so that I actively incorporate more photography into my life. Photography is important to me. I want to be good at it. It may come across as thinking too highly of myself, but I honestly think I’m a good photographer already. Where I lose out is on not practicing it more often. The more you practice, the better you become, right? I have a natural talent for taking good photos, a good eye for what makes a good photo, but unless I see others’ works, learn from them, unless I advance my current capabilities, I will stagnate. Photography isn’t just knowing how to take good photos of things that exist (that is a good thing to know though), it also involves designing a photograph. You don’t just capture beauty, you create it. I’ve seen so many good photos of absolutely ordinary things. It’s the way that the photo is taken that makes those objects a visual treat.

I must make most of the photographing opportunities that I get. In fact, I must create more opportunities for myself, they won’t come strolling around on the street, now will they?

4. I blogged previously about my IMDB Top 250 Movies efforts. I’ve advanced it slightly. Now that I have slightly more time, I will be able to advance it more, hopefully.

5. I applied for an internship in one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I worked quite hard for that. And if I may say so, I think I wrote a good application. It just remains to be seen how well it is compared to the other applications. This thing had been keeping me busy for the past few days. I would sleep at 4 am, try to squeeze in more work on that in the day, as well as keep up with my academic schedule. I’m really glad I’m done with it, and I’m happy with what I submitted. It represents a fair amount of work on my part, and I never thought I’d write it that well in the beginning, so I have crossed my own expectations already.
Even if I don’t get selected, I will still be happy with my application, knowing fully well that I really couldn’t have written it any better.

6. Baking: yes, I bake. I haven’t found time for it so far since it requires a good few hours free together, and recently that internship application had been keeping me very busy. Tomorrow, I leave for a college trip. But after that, I have 2-3 days off, so I will try my hand at that then.

7. Writing, of course. I haven’t blogged much, but I did write a short story after a very long time. It’s a good one, given how badly I was stagnating. Though obviously it’s not great. I’m not happy with it, just merely satisfied for having found time among everything else to write a half-decent piece that is, for a change, complete! I love writing short stories, I intend to write more of those. Fantasy stories with unexpected endings are what I like writing best.

That is all for now. I must bathe, then pack for the trip. We’re leaving at 3 am tomorrow! It shall be fun. A road trip. 😀

February 5, 2012

28 Watched, 222 Left

by thebirdieflies

One of my goals this semester was to watch 50 out of IMDB’s 250 Top Movies.
At the time that I started with this goal, I believe about 16 or so I’d already seen.

It’s not an important goal, of course. It doesn’t have priority over academics or other extra-curricular activities, the non-laptop ones. It’s just a side-goal, part of my efforts to watch good cinema. Plus, there’s nothing more satisfying than to be able to append an asterisk to a name in a long list of names, and watch the asterisks build up.
What can I say, I love ticking things off lists! 😀

The ones I watched recently are (in alphabetical order; because what’s better than a list? An ARRANGED list!):
12 Angry Men
American History X
Forrest Gump
Goodfellas
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Pulp Fiction
Requiem For a Dream
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Pianist
The Prestige
To Kill a Mockingbird

Of these, I found Requiem for a Dream, The Pianist and American History X extremely disturbing. However, while I think I can watch the last two again, I doubt I’ll ever want to watch Requiem for a Dream again. Everyone’s just hurtling towards disaster in the movie.
Forrest Gump has excellent acting, but I believe that’s the only thing in it. The story is passable, and it’s everything but inspiring, watching a slow-witted man go from one good fortune to another, just walking through life, telling everyone that if a slow-witted can make it, then so should you. That’s just how I saw the movie, I’m sure it means other things to other people.
12 Angry Men is excellent. Eternal Sunshine has crappy science in it, so does The Prestige, so they fell a little flat on me. But they’re still good in many other ways.

Honestly, this little semester-goal for me was a really good idea. Films like these are excellent windows to cultural and social sideshows like drug-addiction, neo-Nazism, life in a mental hospital, the proceedings of a criminal court case, magical illusions, life being a mobster etc.

January 9, 2012

For Want of a Passion

by thebirdieflies

I’m tired.
I’m tired of just shuffling along, putting all my efforts into getting into a good college, getting a good education, getting a good grade, finishing that project, studying for that test, sticking to my deadlines, keeping up with my commitments, not sparing Any time to really try to figure out what it is that I’m good at, or that I have an interest in.

I chose to go into engineering because I saw it as an easy way out.
I didn’t have to figure anything out for myself, everything was clearly laid out for me. I didn’t have to sit back and think about what I wanted to do, or what interested me. If engineering turned out to not be my cup of tea, I could just do a post-graduation after that of anything I like. I assumed that I would have it all figured out by then.

I was just escaping the inevitable for the time being.

Now, at the end of almost 2 years of engineering, I think I need to reflect on what I want to do.
I need to look for opportunities to learn more in those fields, I need to know people, get in touch with people who can point me in the right directions.
All along I thought computer science was my domain. I am good in this field, I have sharp logic, I can reason on my feet, I understand concepts related to computers fairly quickly and I’m not too bad at programming. I was perfectly happy envisioning doing a few internships during my undergrad years, doing as many projects as I could, building my CV, a few years doing my post-grad in USA, a happy life somewhere or the other and hopefully money enough to keep me alive comfortably (and a bit more).
Then A came and told me about his friend who’s really interested in being a designer.

And I’m lost again.
I wanted to try my hand at designing too. I really did.
I want to do photography too, I really do.
I want to see if I’m good enough at either of them to be able to feed myself off my photos/designs.
I want to be passionate about one thing that I would take time out for and that I would seriously pursue.
I want to find out what it is that I should do. Is computer science really going to keep me happy? I’m good, no doubt; but is that enough?
Yesterday I talked to A’s friend. He showed me the resources he’d collected for himself. I looked through some old exam papers. I don’t know; people who did their undergrad in design have So much of a leverage over me in terms of drawing skills and drawing what they’re imagining. I haven’t even exercised that portion of my head for so long! I think in 2D, my spatial reasoning is something I struggle with in IQ tests. I didn’t even do mechanical/engineering drawing goddamnit. What will I ever do?

I am afraid. I really am.

I could take the easy way out again. But I don’t want to keep doing for the rest of my life.

October 29, 2011

Of Doing Things

by thebirdieflies

Dear Future Me

I decided that I should leave you some sort of a list. Later, it will be so much fun to tick things off them. Or to see how much our priorities have changed?

1. Have a cat of your own! It entails having your own house to live in.
2. I hope it is a good house. At least, a house that you are happy in.
3. Travel, travel, travel. Once upon a time, you had decided to save up madly for a year or two, then blow up everything on a mad trip to everywhere, then begin afresh on the career scene. I don’t know how feasible you think this is now, but I would like to think you still have a touch of your optimism and spontaneity left in you.
4. Buy yourself that dSLR, that I’m still saving up money for. Nearly got 1/3rd of the cost now.
5. Be a photographer. Maybe not a full-time professional photographer. Maybe just a freelancer. Or maybe just a hobbyist, who photographs when she finds time.
6. Please still be taking time out for yourself. Bake some new stuff. I learnt a few neat things this summer, I hope you have built upon those skills.
7. Learn a new language. Even if it is but broken.
8. Learn to dance. Just a little bit.
9. Do something fantastic and crazy. Skydive, or bungee-jump. Learn to surf.

I can’t think of other stuff. I am sure there are many more. I have a lot that I expect out of you.

Love,
Past Me