It Has Been a While

by thebirdieflies

It really has, hasn’t it? I even forgot what to type into my browser today, when I decided at last to tell my blog readers that I am indeed alive and kicking.

A lot has happened in the past three, four, five, months.

My on again, off again relationship with A has finally stabilized to an ‘off’ state. And I found a way to be okay with that.

I have more or less decided on what I want to do with life. I have decided that perhaps pursuing a PhD is really what I want to do, apart from trekking and photography and baking. ย Towards that end, I gave the GRE and did pretty well by most standards.ย But, maybe it’s not time for a PhD right now, maybe after a few years, once I’m certain that I can produce some original research.

I made a new set of incredible friends, and somehow fell in love with them. That also made me resolve to try hard to make my other friendships stronger.

I lost one of my grandmothers. I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that I will never see her again. I don’t know how to.

I stayed in a new city for two months, and fell in love with it. I’m back home now, but memories of the amazing times I had there will stay with me forever.

I don’t know if I will be blogging regularly. I am trying to cut out crap from my life, such as extended periods of Facebooking, in order to make time for more meaningful things. It will be my last year in college, and I want to spend it such that when I go away, I will miss the place. I realized recently that missing a place, or people doesn’t mean that you lost something – it means that you lost something that, for a while, made your life really amazing. It is better to love wildly and lose a part of you and hurt badly, than to move through life without feeling anything, neither hurt, nor pure happiness.

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8 Responses to “It Has Been a While”

  1. You came to my mind just now and I wondered why I hadn’t seen a post in a long while, so I came by to check on you. Somehow I missed this one. I’m sorry to hear about your Grandmother, that is very hard. Some people you never ever stop missing, not a single day. But I hope you get all you want out of this last year at school. I know so much what you mean about leaving things behind, so melancholy. You can’t stay put forever, you must move on and grow. But it’s sad too. Sometimes I look at old photos and they make me so happy to remember, sometimes sad that that time is gone forever. You have a good head on your shoulders! This is a great post, full of growth and understanding. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Yes, I really miss her. It was most unfortunate, because she was getting better and we thought she’d be back home soon.
      I think it’s okay to be sad when you see old photos, if you miss the times too much, it is a signal that you’re not doing something right about your present. Memories are such a bitch that way.

      ‘You have a good head on your shoulders! ‘ – Thank you, it’s such a nice compliment. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • That’s a good observation! (I knew I was right about that good head!) I didn’t think of it before, but I feel sad about them when I am least content with my now.

      • Great, then you know what to do: Surround yourself with photos of your best memories and resolve to lead such an amazing life that you only feel happiness when you look at them! ๐Ÿ™‚

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