Archive for March, 2012

March 16, 2012

A Bad Day

by thebirdieflies

I was shouted at, by ‘A’ today.
I picked up his call and he shouted at me.

I hadn’t really been behaving myself. I think he even told me to ‘fuck off’ today, but I wasn’t sure I heard him properly, because he just walked off after that.

I wasn’t being nasty, you know? But I wasn’t being nice either. And I think everything just came to a head and A had to call me and shout at me.

I was shaken. A little. A bit.
Quite badly.

I apologized to him for setting him off, and he apologized to me for shouting at me.
In fact, he sorted the whole maybe-‘fuck off’-maybe-not out when he was extremely nice to me while stomach cramps slowly ate me alive from inside.
He brought me hot soup, he held the takeaway box of soup in the car because it was too full for me to hold while I ate out of it, he ran up and got me a painkiller from the college First Aid box. He was good to me. He totally made up for the maybe-‘fuck you’-maybe-not.
And then he called up and shouted at me!

Two days back, we discussed breaking up just to get some time away from each other.
He said he has changed (and so have I). He said he’s afraid he was awesome before we started dating only because he was trying to get me to like him. He said he’s afraid he’s slowly taking me for granted.

Two days back, I realized I probably don’t love him. Despite everything I’ve ever said to anyone.
It was a sad realization.
Today’s events make me wonder where we stand.
On one hand, he takes good care of me. On the other, he shouts at me when I’m least expecting it and alarms me badly.
On one hand, he loves me (or so he says). On the other, I don’t.

March 3, 2012

It has been long

by thebirdieflies

It has been ages and ages since I last blogged.
I feel bad about that because it’s only when I write regularly will I ever write well. When I first started blogging at the age of 12, I wrote a lot of crap, but over a year or two, I improved hugely and I believe that was my best period of writing ever. When I read what I wrote at that time, I feel very impressed with my younger self.

However, it has to be noted that I have been doing a lot of Important things in the meantime. What important things, you ask?

1. I have finally decided to take control of my life. Stop wasting time. Start taking time out for things that are extremely worthwhile, but that get lost in the never-ending flow of work deadlines. Things that most people relegate to ‘hobby’ activities, activities to be pursued only when free, not something that you strive to take time out for.
The decision to systematically include such activities in my schedule makes me feel important as well. Look at me! I’m so adult, so grown-up! I’m not wasting time on useless things like stalking people on Facebook (okay, I must admit I still do that) or playing video games!
I read an interview of Umberto Eco once, and he said that he manages to accomplish so many things because he fills in minutes that would otherwise go waste. So if he’s expecting a guest, and he’s waiting for them to come, he’ll still get something done in those few minutes. One minute at a time, and you end up saving hours!

2. So I’ve got Adobe Illustrator, I’ve got Adobe Photoshop, and I will learn designing!

3. I joined a photography game (complete with deadlines and all) so that I actively incorporate more photography into my life. Photography is important to me. I want to be good at it. It may come across as thinking too highly of myself, but I honestly think I’m a good photographer already. Where I lose out is on not practicing it more often. The more you practice, the better you become, right? I have a natural talent for taking good photos, a good eye for what makes a good photo, but unless I see others’ works, learn from them, unless I advance my current capabilities, I will stagnate. Photography isn’t just knowing how to take good photos of things that exist (that is a good thing to know though), it also involves designing a photograph. You don’t just capture beauty, you create it. I’ve seen so many good photos of absolutely ordinary things. It’s the way that the photo is taken that makes those objects a visual treat.

I must make most of the photographing opportunities that I get. In fact, I must create more opportunities for myself, they won’t come strolling around on the street, now will they?

4. I blogged previously about my IMDB Top 250 Movies efforts. I’ve advanced it slightly. Now that I have slightly more time, I will be able to advance it more, hopefully.

5. I applied for an internship in one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I worked quite hard for that. And if I may say so, I think I wrote a good application. It just remains to be seen how well it is compared to the other applications. This thing had been keeping me busy for the past few days. I would sleep at 4 am, try to squeeze in more work on that in the day, as well as keep up with my academic schedule. I’m really glad I’m done with it, and I’m happy with what I submitted. It represents a fair amount of work on my part, and I never thought I’d write it that well in the beginning, so I have crossed my own expectations already.
Even if I don’t get selected, I will still be happy with my application, knowing fully well that I really couldn’t have written it any better.

6. Baking: yes, I bake. I haven’t found time for it so far since it requires a good few hours free together, and recently that internship application had been keeping me very busy. Tomorrow, I leave for a college trip. But after that, I have 2-3 days off, so I will try my hand at that then.

7. Writing, of course. I haven’t blogged much, but I did write a short story after a very long time. It’s a good one, given how badly I was stagnating. Though obviously it’s not great. I’m not happy with it, just merely satisfied for having found time among everything else to write a half-decent piece that is, for a change, complete! I love writing short stories, I intend to write more of those. Fantasy stories with unexpected endings are what I like writing best.

That is all for now. I must bathe, then pack for the trip. We’re leaving at 3 am tomorrow! It shall be fun. A road trip. 😀