Of Future Plans

by thebirdieflies

Dear Future Me

I found out a few days back that when one goes through childbirth, doctors perform something known as ‘episiotomy’ where they cut open your vagina so that it is easier for the child to pass through. I knew that during normal childbirth your vagina tears, and that had seemed rather horrifying at that time.

I don’t know which is worse.

So here’s the thing. If you Ever feel your biological clock ticking, please do sit down and read this post and a few pregnancy blogs where they write about constipation and incontinence and back ache and insomnia. Then, if  you still want to experience motherhood, drive to the nearest adoption centre and pick up a little girl. Please don’t put yourself through 9 months of agony. And don’t forget about stretch marks and health issues. You might even end up having a disfigured little kid. Reproduction is nothing but genes playing with probability. You will be a very pretty woman, I’m sure, and you’re smart too. The chances of having a pretty, smart baby will be high, (I trust you will pick a smart partner too. Not very sure about good-looking however) but that doesn’t mean you have successfully eliminated the possibility of having a deformed kid with 14 fingers and 3 legs. An UGLY mom with an UGLY kid. You will not be very happy about that. Especially when the kid poops all over you and then throws up for good measure and you have backaches that could kill you.

Good luck.

Oh and, don’t have one too early.

Have a cat instead. Cats are awesome.

Love,

Past Me

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: